How to Cope with a Pet’s Death

Pets become family members who enter our homes and hearts. Their final farewell leaves a large absence that amplifies our sadness. Yet others around us may not understand the gut-wrenching heartbreak of losing a pet. It’s important to know thatliving with both heartache and happiness after pet loss is possible.

Is It Normal To Grieve the Death of a Pet?

We can develop deep emotional connections with pets. We tend to humanize them, and we often consider them family members. Grief is a natural response to losing them. 

Pets can provide comfort, security, and consistent affection—sometimes to the same or even greater extent than close relationships with other people.  

As a pet parent and as a veterinary hospice and in-home euthanasia care provider, I’ve learned that losing a pet can be as heartbreaking as losing a human family member or friend. 

I also know that some people may disregard these feelings in others because they don’t understand why losing a pet is so distressing.  

Why Is Pet Loss So Painful?

We lose our pets’ companionship, the routines of their daily care, and the warmth and safety of sharing countless sweet moments with them as we move through life’s adventures. 

For these reasons and more, grief can be emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually distressing. The pain of loss is a bittersweet toll we pay for the priceless experiences of contentment, purpose, friendship, and love that pets give us. 

The bond people share with their pets has strengthened over the last several decades, and we commonly view pets as family. But grief after losing a pet is still often less socially accepted than grief after losing a person.  

This can add to the distress, leaving pet parents feeling isolated or even embarrassed if others don’t understand or dismiss their sadness. 

Common Emotional and Physical Experiences of Grief

Grief isn’t always a predictable process that flows in linear stages. People may experience complex emotions that arrive in waves or fluctuate like a roller coaster.  

Based on my personal and professional experiences, pet parents commonly express these emotions after losing a pet: 

• Sadness 

• Guilt  

• Anger 

• Numbness 

• Regret 

• Relief 

• Loneliness 

• A sense of spiritual abandonment 

Physical and mental symptoms of grief may include:  

• Sobbing 

• Gastrointestinal distress (also referred to as “grief belly”) 

• Reduced ability to focus; slowed thinking 

• Brief moments of thinking that the pet is still there 

• Restlessness 

• Difficulty sleeping 

• Appetite changes 

• Fatigue 

• Mood swings 

• Withdrawing from family, friends, or favorite activities 

Healthy Ways To Cope With a Pet’s Death

It’s natural to be sad, and that sadness often comes easily. But it is possible to live with the pain of loss. It’s important to reflect on the appreciation you have and the happiness and love shared with your pet, and to hold gratitude alongside your sorrow.  

You can continue to honor your pet’s life by taking care of yourself. This includes taking time to grieve, memorializing your pet, maintaining routines, and seeking support from others. 

Allow Yourself To Grieve 

Take time for yourself to reflect on and accept your feelings. Be patient. Experience your emotions without judging or suppressing them. Reflect alone when you need to, and also allow connection with family, friends, or your support network. Most importantly—give yourself permission to grieve. This looks different for everyone and can include: 

• Reviewing photos and videos of your pet throughout their life 

• Spending time outdoors and connecting to nature 

• Listening to music 

• Traveling to help shift your focus to new experiences 

• Engaging in healthy activities that bring comfort 

• Making choices that are kind to yourself, because you know your pet would be kind to you 

Create a Memorial or Remembrance Custom 

I’ve seen and helped pet parents memorialize their pets in many traditional and creative ways. Here are a few suggestions to consider:  

• Post a tribute to your pet online to share with others 

• Write a poem about or a letter to your pet 

• Hold a memorial service where family and friends can share photos or favorite stories of the pet 

• If you have kids, involve them in sharing their memories 

• Create a memorial space at home that may include your pet’s urn, paw prints, photos, collar, and favorite toy, along with flowers and a flameless candle.  

• Express your feelings and memories through written or visual journaling 

• Paint your pet’s portrait 

• Plant trees or wildflowers native to your area that support other living beings. 

• Donate to or fundraise for a shelter, foster group, or pet health research organization in your pet’s memory 

• If it brings comfort, visit your pet’s favorite places on meaningful dates, such as their birthday or the anniversary of the day they came into your life. 

Maintain Daily Routines 

Find comfort and purpose in maintaining regular routines, while acknowledging the space left by your pet’s absence. Make a plan to accomplish one or more things each day, even when it feels difficult.  

Eating well, getting sufficient sleep, and exercising remain important. If you have other pets, continue caring for them and receiving comfort from them. Accept support from family and friends. Do good things for others.  

If you have a regular schedule of meaningful religious or spiritual activities, try to maintain it.

Talk About Your Loss 

It’s important to recognize and validate your grief. Talk with family and friends who understand and can support you. Be honest about what helps and what doesn’t. Other ways to consider when working through your grief: 

• Connect with other pet parents who have experienced loss. Pet loss support groups, religious communities, or animal chaplains may also help 

• Spending time with other people’s pets (with permission) can also be comforting. Even brief interactions with friendly animals and their pet parents can help reduce stress and loneliness and boost your mood (and theirs!) 

• Veterinarians and their teams may be able to recommend pet loss support groups, grief counselors, or other mental health and spiritual care resources. Lap of Love also provides pet loss and grief support resources. 

When To Seek Extra Support

If grief becomes overwhelming—interfering with daily life accompanied by thoughts of self-harm—it’s important to seek professional support from a licensed mental health provider.  

If you or someone you’re concerned about is depressed, unable to cope, or having thoughts of self-harm or harming others, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988; chat at 988lifeline.org to connect with a counselor; or call your local non-emergency resource center. For emergencies in the United States, dial 911.