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Words From a Cat: Five Gifts to Tell Your Human You Care

By Victoria Heuer    March 31, 2009 at 05:15PM / (0) comments

Words by Kitty le Meux

Your humans do so much for you. They scratch your head when you push it under their hands, your belly when you roll on your back, and they always have little treats and toys for you, just when you need a boost the most. And, they clean up your "unmentionables," so that you don't have to worry about where you are stepping. And the food? Well, it's there every day, in a nice little bowl just for you. Sure, you repay them with head bumps and nuzzles, but a real gift would be nice now and then, too. It's a great way to show that you care and want to contribute. Problem is, you don't have one of those big runaround machines that they use to bring things home, so you are going to have to find a gift some other way.

We here at PetMD sympathize with your quandary. Finding the perfect gift for your special non-furry friend can be a project. The hardest part is making sure it's a surprise. Your human always seems to be around -- either waiting to pick up the things you have dropped or aiming one of those flashing boxes at your face that make you see spots afterwards. But if you can make a plan ahead of time, you will be able to find the perfect gift quickly, and present it in the most pleasing way.

Here, then, are our top five gift suggestions for your two-legged friends:

5. Moles, opossums, and rabbits are the most impressive, especially if you can get them inside the house to the place where your human sleeps. How many times have we heard our feline friends reminisce over the perfect catch that had their human screaming with delight? Remember to make sure it's dead, though. Humans don't hunt as well as we do and will not have as much luck catching the animal as you did, if it should get away.

4. Birds always make attractive gifts due to their pretty colors. However, resist the temptation to remove the head before you place it on your master's doorstep. Humans just prefer birds when they're not decapitated. Go figure.

3. Lizards, frogs and snakes are perhaps the most popular. Not only are these little, smooth-skinned beasts great for sharing, but humans will often call on their other human companions to see the fun gift you left. Keep in mind that some of these little green animals can make you feel funny when you bite them. If you find yourself feeling out of sorts, make sure to vomit in a place your humans will see so they know you are sick.

2. Mice and roaches get the best response from humans when you lay one of these catches at their feet, but there is a caveat. You must not hide the catch under or behind anything in the hope that your human will be overjoyed by the hidden prize. You may forget about it, or your human may not find it until it is too late, especially with mice. Piles of clothes and spaces beneath chairs may seem ideal, but humans do not respond as happily when they find an old mouse as they do when you give it to them freshly killed.

1. If you can actually lay your paws on a bat and deliver that to your humans, you will find their response to be exactly what makes this the deserving choice for number one gift. We have heard of major impromptu parties taking place to celebrate this major catch, with everyone dancing around to gander at the extraordinariness of it. This is the sort of once-in-a-lifetime catch that will give you a place in the cat history of the neighborhood.

Keep in mind that your human may want to keep you inside for a time after the gift has been given, but the food will be extra good during this time, and just think of the stories you will tell your friends when you go back out!

We are always on the prowl for more gift ideas. Please forward yours to us at [email protected].


Image: nickasaurusrex / via Flickr

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