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The Daily Vet is a blog featuring veterinarians from all walks of life. Every week they will tackle entertaining, interesting, and sometimes difficult topics in the world of animal medicine – all in the hopes that their unique insights and personal experiences will help you to understand your pets.

Mourning Your Dog’s Death … and Celebrating His (or Her) Life

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July 06, 2011 / (11) comments

As an emergency critical care specialist, I end up euthanizing a lot of dogs and cats in the ER and ICU. If I had to guess, approximately 30 percent of my patients end up being humanely "put to sleep" within a 24-hour window of seeing me. Why? Because animals often present for end-stage disease or cancer, and by the time they show symptoms, it’s often too late.
 

With that, I’ve developed my "euthanasia spiel," so I can explain the whole process in a compassionate, empathetic way to grieving, stressed pet owners. Check out "Euthanasias gone bad," and you’ll better understand why I think it’s so important that the last memories of a pet’s life be preserved in the most beautiful, compassionate, dignified manner.

With JP, I was "lucky." I was able to determine and control many aspects of his euthanasia process: where, when, and why I was doing it. On July 4th, I finally put JP to sleep — after 370 days of being cancer free.

As heart-breaking as it was to euthanize JP, I was so glad I did it in the comfort of my own home. No stressful car ride, no stressful visit to the vet clinic, no strange, metallic table … just a familiar place, while resting on the same beat-up old sleeping bag that he was used to snuggling on. One of my colleagues came over and humanely euthanized JP while my ex-partner and I fed him sausages and hot dogs, and surrounded him with love (and tears).

The impact afterwards was profound, as it is to any pet owner who has lost a beloved four-legged friend. The hardest thing for me was thinking about the veterinary medical aspect — having to deal with the mental image that my dog was in a heavy duty, black plastic bag, lying in the cooler somewhere, instead of lying in bed with me.

My only comfort? Knowing that it was just JP’s physical body that had departed. As traumatic a memory this morgue-image was, I tried to push it out of my head, knowing that "all dogs go to heaven" and that it was just a physical remnant left behind. As a pastor’s kid, I had confirmation from a legit source that all dogs do indeed go to heaven (If there are snakes, lions, and lambs up there, you can bet there are dogs too…).

While I’ve "done" a lot of euthanasia procedures, JP was my very first pet that I had to euthanize on my own. I fully admit that I was a mess … and I know it’ll take time to heal. But what I personally learned a lot from it was this:

  • If you have the opportunity to, euthanize your pet at home. It’s comforting to your four-legged friend to not have to undergo a stressful car-ride or be subjected to a strange environment. While this isn’t always feasible or possible, if you can make it happen, do so.
  • Take the time to mourn. I took the whole weekend to spend every waking moment with JP before I euthanized him, spoiling him rotten in the process. I was fortunate enough to take time away from work afterwards too – I needed the mental health time to mourn my best friend.
  • Ask your veterinarian for a high-fiber canned dog food for the last few weeks of your pet’s life. I was feeding JP so much filet mignon and table food, he ended up with severe diarrhea, which made him (and his butt) miserable for a few days. By mixing in the high-fiber canned food (or probiotic) for the last few weeks, JP was able to eat to his heart’s (and butt’s) content while dining on delicious snacks.
  • Never question what you want. Hours later, I frantically called the hospital where I dropped off JP’s body for cremation, asking them to save me some fur. In my grief, I had forgotten to ask for it earlier. Someone then asked me if I really wanted his fur, and would it mean that much to me after he’s gone (after all, it’s still all around the house!). When mourning, any step helps… and yes, I did want his fur and all those clay paws!
  • Don’t move anything for a few days. Coming home is the hardest part of mourning – the house is empty, his dog bed is still there, and there’s no one to walk. Take the time to remove reminders at your own pace. I miss the smell and sight of him, and seeing his toys, bed, and blanket are my only tangible sensory way of remembering him.
  • Pay a tribute. JP touched so many people’s lives, that just creating an online photo album helps me remember the wonderful life I shared with my friend.
  • Let your dog sniff. I only have a few regrets with JP, and one of them is not letting him sniff more on walks. We humans get so caught up in the "busy-ness" of our lives, and are often tugging on dog leashes to hurry our more mellow companions along. Next dog, sniff all you want, bud.

In case you're not sure what to do when it comes to the topic of euthanasia — like when is it really time, or what signs of "quality of life" to look for in your pet, or what exactly happens when we euthanize, or what you can do with your pet's body or ashes afterwards — know that I explain this all in the last chapter in both of my books, It's a Dog's Life … but It's Your Carpet, and It's a Cat's World … You Just Live In It. The chapter is titled, "The vet and the pet."

More importantly, find a vet who cares and can help to guide you through the toughest decision of your life.

 

 

Dr. Justine Lee

 

 

Pic of the day: My babies by Anne Hornyak

Dog photo frames, best friend dogs, fur babies, dog kids, love dogs

 

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COMMENTS (11)
1
Sympathies and Congrats
by TheOldBroad on 07/06/2011 07:06am

Oh, Dr. Lee, I'm so terribly sorry about JP.

It's so sad that our critters get awful maladies and we have to let go. It's just not fair!

Rest assured that JP had a great life, you went above and beyond for him and, most importantly, he knew you loved him. He'll always hold a special place in your heart.

2
Sympathy and Thanks
by dashorse on 07/06/2011 08:34am

In a way I am glad you were able to euthanize your pet at home, though I have no doubt it was very difficult to do.

Thank you for sharing your feelings and advice. I sit here crying over the death of my beloved Taz 18 months ago. I miss her so much. I have a soon to be 11 year old dog with serious health conditions that we are managing anad I know my time with her is limited. My heart aches at the thought. Your blog helps me to accept the inevitable in pet ownership.

I want to add that my vet went above and beyond in helping us when our Taz died. We'd had Taz to the vet practice that morning and knew there was no hope but took her home anyway (a bad decision). Taz's regular vet called to apologize for not being available earlier and to ask about Taz. When I told her I regretted bringing Taz home our vet immediately offered to meet us at the clinic - in a blinding snowstorm when everything had closed due to the storm.

She was wonderful and I will always remember this incident with gratitude, and amazement. Not many people would have come out in that weather for any reason but she did and relieved our pet's misery.

3
sorry for your loss
by rockjdog on 07/06/2011 10:09am

Hey Dr Lee,

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no right or wrong feelings so it is important to remember that what ever you are going through is normal.There is no timeline and we should never question or pressure ourselves or our feelings. Loosing a pet is as painful as loosing a human loved one ( in some cases even stronger).

I have found that a session with a greif counselor is a big big help.

For me the hardest part is coming home after a pet has passed. I love to adopt the old seniors. I know it can't be proven that dogs have feelings like love or gratitude but the changes that these old dogs go through when they get their furever homes is a journey I love and want to continue to be a part of.

The down side is the sucker punch of emotions that come when they pass and they pass too often when they are seniors.

We had one old dog that had given up on life. One huge cataract in her eye, no teeth left and she would face the corner of the room. You could pose her and she would stay in that position. She was totally broken down and had no desire to interact with us. If she had the idea and means for suicide I am sure she would have taken it. The most depressed dog I have ever seen.

Anyway we threw lots of attention to her and she got much better. The last five months of her life she even started wagging her tail ( which was a big deal in her case). She was never a dog that had a commanding personality though and when she passed we cried like mental patients but I did not expect to miss her presence a lot. The surprise came when I arrived home and saw how empty the house was without her. It was like a big void.

So my answer to this heartache is I go and get another senior. It never takes away my love and memories of my other pats that have passed but it compells me to love again.

I think Mother Teresa said it best:
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

4
The Daily Vet
by MaggAngel on 07/06/2011 04:48pm

I know that I'd make a terrible witness because I don't notice things as much as I should. I was very used to only reading Fully Vetted and only recently started to receive The Daily Vet.

As to my observation talents, I thought that the veterinarian pictured at the top of the blog was the person writing it. Just yesterday I noticed that there are four vets participating; and the only way I noticed that was because I wrote to you asking if Dr. Lee had her own blog (I thought she may be a "visiting" writer, DUH.)

Regardless, you at PETMD should put each individual vet's picture above each of their blogs. Maybe I don't need to read about one of the specialties, or maybe I'd like to read a specific subject that day.

Thanks for your consideration.

5
much sympathy
by BarbaraA on 07/06/2011 09:31pm

Dr. Lee'

I read the sadness and love in your description of parting with JP. You aided him to leave this world enjoying comforts of favorite foods and in the surroundings known best: home.

This final sad memory will enable you to go on and feel happy memories down the road and all of the comfort of a good provided life with love and affection.

It doesn't happen immediately, but it will come and is priceless to your well-being.

I know, because I have had the same good fortune and can compare to the misfortune of not having the ability to do like-wise.

I am sorry for your sadness, rejoice in JP's life.

Barbara
Pocket's Storey from NH

6
empathy for you
by Nicollette on 07/06/2011 11:04pm

Hi Dr. Lee,

Your article caught my eye immediately: I am mourning the loss of one of our beloved Cavalier King Charles Spaniel on April 7 of this year. Sam was a blenheim neuter, age 12 1/2. We got him as a small puppy from a wonderful breeder/show person in NH. He had heart disease for 10 years of his life! As you know Cavaliers get mitral valve disease and it often progresses more rapidly than in other breeds.

SAM (Secret Agent Man), was a joy to have with us. He was so gentle and loving, playful and sweet. The vet techs used to love to see him when we took him for visits.

The totally devastating event took place in OUR HOME one Sunday morning as we were getting ready for church. I heard Sam sort of yelp and went running over to him. He had his head hanging down over the top step near the kitchen. My husband, alarmed came over to him and just like that Sam was gone! It was shocking and traumatized us extremely. He had CHF at this time, so we knew that he was not going to be around for years more, but we had started him on Vetmedin and a diuretic from our vet. She gave us hope that perhaps we could enjoy and love him for another year.

I am beyond consolation and it is 3 months since we lost him! Those big expressive spaniel eyes! A heart of gold, always loyal and loving. AND for us the trauma of his sudden passing while at home was horrible! We have in the past bred and showed purebred cats in CFA and of course over time, we lost some, and it was so sad, but we made the choice along with our vet, to bring them in for euthanasia. This was more traumatic by far for us, but we now know that for Sam, it was the best way to go. At home. He had eaten his breakfast! He probably didn't even know what hit him it was so fast. But still... a void in our hearts forever!

So I grieve for you in your loss of JP. I empathize. It is so very difficult to lose them! Remember the fun, good times you had with him. That helps me lots when I start to feel so sad about Sam. The funny things he did, the way he picked up the frisbee, how he loved to eat and would have weighed 40 pounds if he had the choice!

by Dr Justine Lee on 07/06/2011 11:21pm

Nobody believes me, since I'm a pit bull type of girl, but Cavaliers are one of my favorite dogs! I've never met a mean one, and they do have the most expressive eyes ever!

So sorry to hear about your loss also... and everyone who has been so wonderful to share their story.

It's amazing how these little four-legged creatures worm their ways into our lives.

I wish I could find the original quote from Sir William somebody from the 14th century (or something like that), but when he was asked why dogs don't live longer, his response was this: We become so attached to them, that we wouldn't be able to deal with the massive grief and loss if we had them for 20-30 years...it's all our heart could handle...

Justine

7
Dr. Lee
by MaggAngel on 07/06/2011 11:07pm

Dear Dr. Lee:

Please disregard and forgive my previous post as I did not mean to put it here.

My sincerest sympathy on the passing of JP. Your last blog was testament of your love for him. I understand how distraught you must be, because of the love I have for my Golden, Zoe. The fear I feel sometimes is extreme when even a thought of her passing crosses my mind.

Just know that you are lucky to have had her for as long as you did.

8
Sir Walter Scott's quote!
by Dr Justine Lee on 07/06/2011 11:23pm

I found the quote that I hacked:

I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?

Sir Walter Scott

9
Hello
by My5beagles on 07/07/2011 12:19am

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I know what I need. I need more hellos " Charles Schulz
I read this after losing my beloved beagle Tess. I will never get over the tragic events of losing her but her short life taught me so much. Her life and legacy lives on each time I adopt a little sick, elderly beagle.

10
Dr. Lee
by 3dognight on 07/09/2011 07:07pm

I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved dog. I have a 14 year old "Butterbeer hound" and we pretty much let him do what makes him happy these days.We got sick of everyone asking us what breed he was,so we made up a breed based on his two favorite things to steal.Hugs from an internet stranger!

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