Dr Lee,

At the risk of sounding like an all-knowing clairvoyant, I think I understand why you wrote this article. An animal's passing is a sad and dignified time, not just another medical procedure, and if it's done with less kindness and patience than it deserves, it somehow gives all veterinarians a bad name. I often deal with the fallout of traumatic past euthanasias in that owners are reluctant to offer it to sick pets who really need it, and assume that what they've experienced is the inevitable norm.

The first time I had to go through "the difficult decision", I was sent from the room because the vet utilized an cardiac injection to stop his heart. In retrospect, I'm grateful that the kitty was already so bad (I waited much too long) that he was completely unconscious.

I hated that I couldn't be with him, but it was an emergency situation and I didn't know then what I know now. I'll never allow that type of euthanasia again and will never leave the room again.

My current vet explains every step and what will happen. He sits with me and talks through the decision so I'm comfortable that it's the right thing.

They have a special room with nice furniture and soft lighting (with a portable good light for the doctor). The client is allowed to spend whatever time they need prior to the procedure as well as afterward.

Options are gently offered regarding cremation, taking the animal home, etc.

The client is also allowed to slip out the back door. I've offered to send my credit card to the front desk so there's not an outstanding balance, but they never take me up on it.

I'm so sorry you and your sister had to go through a situation like that. Thank goodness you were there for your sister and her kitty.

I agree - an intracardiac injection is never recommended anymore. It's actually more humane to euthanize intraperitoneal (IP). While this way is slower (it takes 2-15 minutes), it's not painful (vs. having your heart stuck with a big needle). When using IP euthanasia, it takes 2-3X MORE euthanasia solution, but it's more peaceful and doesn't require a "catheter" or vein.

New vets are not taught to euthanize intracardiac, so even if you can't be in the room, know this. That said, be your pet's advocate and almost demand to know how they are going to euthanize.

I'm so glad most people have had such a comforting experience - that's what I've always provided too. With the vet who euthanized my sister's cat, she reeked of compassion fatigue and burn out... something that I vowed I'd take a break from my career if I got to that point.

Dr. Justine Lee

I didn't even know there was such a thing as cardiac injection but my little dog was only taken from the room for a minute or two before they brought her back in a box Monday. I'm afraid they may have done this to her instead of the IP. They didn't say and I didn't even realize they were administering the fatal injection when they stepped from the room with her. I didn't notice any shaved spot on her arm though.

Even more worrisome is that I have a cat with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy who was diagnosed more than a year ago. I could soon need another emergency euthanasia and I have nowhere else to turn. When you get away from the cities and universities, there are only limited options out there, especially when you need help quickly.

@ssrichey

The only thing I can think of is to get to know the vet and talk through your concerns before you need emergency help.

Hopefully your HCM kitty will continue to do well for many years and you won't need emergency services. (I have an HOCM kitty that's doing fantastic with just a couple of meds.)

Agreed. When in doubt, have your emergency vet address pre-programmed in your GPS, or with directions ready to go. The biggest thing is calling in advance (en route), so they have oxygen ready if necessary.

My cat has horrible heart disease also. In fact, his name is "Echo" after echocardiography. I condemned him to only live 1-2 years, and he's gone through 6-7 lives (out of 9, thus far). But, he just turned 7.5, so one never knows! :)

I had an HCM cat who not only survived for approx 6 years with his cardiomyopathy, but Precious went on to survive lymphosarcoma for four of those years. Ultimately, everything took its toll and I was spared the decision to euthanize (I was supposed to go away for several days and thankfully he passed 2 days before the trip - bad timing but not as bad as could have been). He passed at the ripe age of 16! Not bad for a cardio cat with cancer. I have since had to euthanize 2 cats, both because of advanced cancer (RIP Ebony and Rusty).

Point being, there are times where the choice by its own nature is taken from you, and time where it isn't.

It is amazing how a little chunk of cardizem twice a day kept precious going not only just through the heart problem, but through cancer surgery (stomach resection), 3 years of chemo, and countless trips to and tranqs at the vet (loved his people, but only his people).

You can never fully prepare, not for the death of a pet and not for the death of a human, but knowing your options and your eventualities in advance eases the decisions to a degree.

I wish you luck with your cardio-kitty but believe he will prove your fears unfounded.

Dr. Lee,
Fortunately I have never had this sort of experience. The veterinarians that have performed euthanasia have generally been quite compassionate. My ex-husband, however, felt that the vet who performed the euthanasia on his nearly 18 year old cat, who was starting to have kidney trouble and the vet even said himself that the kidneys were atrophied, made him feel guilty about having the cat euthanized before she was in agony. We had seen a cat go through kidney failure before and it isn't pretty, as you know.

My husband and I foster kittens. Last week, we took in an adult cat who had recently been rescued off the streets to be put up for adoption, but then promptly diagnosed with terminal cancer. We decided that he deserved a few days of napping in the sun and TLC before the end. When we took him in to be put down, the vet (who was not our vet) was wonderful and caring--and this was for a cat who belonged to no one! We both cried for him as if he had been our own cat. We were grateful to this man for his tenderness with this poor guy who had not seen much tenderness in his life.

Thank you for sharing your personal story; I am so sorry the three of you had to go through such a terrible experience. I am grateful you were there for your sister and her cat. I strongly believe that end-of-life care is the most important part of a veterinary professional's job; this is the time our clients and patients depend on us the most to perform our duty with compassion, empathy, and all the TLC we can possibly provide. When I worked in day practice, I considered it an honor to be able to be there to support my clients and to say farewell to patients who frequently were dear, old friends whom I'd known through their golden years. In fact, it was a very positive experience that my veterinarian and her staff provided to me and my dying cat years ago that led me into veterinary medicine. If I have helped to provide even one client, one patient, with a comforting and dignified experience then I will have fulfilled my purpose.

I just had to do this two days ago and have still not recovered. I recently moved to a new area where things are done very differently from what I was accustom to and the need for euthanasia arose quickly. I was looking for fast relief for my aging pet who was in horrible pain and I couldn't think of all the questions to ask. In the end, I am still uncertain what was done and they handed my little dead dog back to me because they "don't do animal disposal". I had not even had time to plan for what I needed to do with her remains and I expected my vet to offer something. I am still worrying about the choices I hastily made and will always have regrets for how her end came to be.

Oh @ssrichey, I'm so saddened to hear this. Veterinarians should always provide an option for what to do, as most pet owners honestly can't deal with the added stress of having to figure out what to do with your pet's remains. Not only that, but it's really hard to see your pet once they've passed - rigor mortis, non-responsive eyes... it's hard to deal with even as a veterinary professional!

I'm so sorry you also had such a negative experience, but please know there are wonderful, compassionate veterinary professionals out there... you just have to find out where they are.

My deepest sympathies to you.

How heartbreaking to have to deal with losing a loved one while you're settling into a new home. I'm so sorry you and your dog had to go through that.

I've never heard of a vet that didn't have options available to the client regarding what to do after euthanasia. It's upsetting to hear they used the phrase "animal disposal" at a time like that.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and hope that if you have other critters, you are able to find an excellent vet in your new town.

These are the hardest decisions to ever make and having a vet/staff that is caring and compassionate is a must. When one of my beagles took a turn for the worse it happened on a Sunday and my vet was out of town. I was forced to take her to the e-vet and honestly they were wonderful. They handled everything professionally and answered every question I asked. I held Sophie as she died and I will be thankful for that. Sadly in the next few days I will have to make this decision again. Lilly came to us with cancer and the fight is about over. This time we are far more prepared. I set everything up in advance and all I'll need to do is meet her at her office when it's time. I knew what the story was so I felt for me it would better to preplan.

Ssrichey----I am so sorry for your loss.

Just after this last Christmas, I had to euthanize my first pet as an "adult". The decision was all on me, and honestly, the was the toughest part. I knew it was time, but I was very grateful to my vet and his staff for being the exact opposite of what you described.
They told me to come in anytime that day, and were ready for me when I did show up. They took me to a back room that had comfortable furniture and a box of tissues :) The tech asked me about my wishes for after (I was taking her with me to bury), and offered to take my credit card to run the charges while I waited in the room to spend a little more time with George, my cat.
I was crying the whole time. They explained every step (although I admit, they said nothing about urination or defecation, or the eyes staying open). They did the catheter right in front of me, with no trouble at all. He listened for her heart to stop beating and then told me she was gone. By that time, he was crying, too. He wrapped her up in a blanket for me and they let me go out the back door.
For such a horrible experience, they handled it very well.
Two days later, I had a sympathy card in the mail, with personalized notes from my vet and all three techs that work in the clinic with him.

It's such a hard decision to let them go, even when we know it's the only humane choice. Having a compassionate doctor and clinic staff helps so much when we're struggling to do the right thing.

Sounds like you have a wonderful clinic where everyone cares as much as you do.

I agree - thank goodness you had some a peaceful, comforting experience. I can say most veterinarians and veterinary technicians are that way (thankfully), but a few bad apples spoil it. Perhaps I was more critical of this veterinarian because I was a veterinarian; that said, I demand a high quality of medicine AND compassion from vets, and if you can't find it, look elsewhere. So glad you were surrounded by love and support in this circumstance!

Dr. Lee,

Do you find that, as an emergency vet, you do more euthanasia than a general practitioner? Do people wait too late to get to their regular doctor ("Let's give it a couple of days to see if the dog/cat gets better on its own.") or perhaps don't know that Fluffy/Fido is in distress until they get home from work and their clinic is closed?

Do you mostly end up with the really scary life-threatening emergencies because it's much too late to help the pet?

Or do you have a majority of clients who, like me, get paranoid for little things? Yes, I once took a cat to the doctor because it meowed oddly. (It was nothing. Apparently I just wasn't serving the correct flavor of Fancy Feast that night. Silly me.)

Unfortunately, I do end up euthanizing way too many animals in the ER. By the time an animal has shown up to an ER, they are often in such advanced, severe condition, there isn't much one could do.

Conversely, ER vets end up euthanizing so frequently, I feel that it makes them more understanding and compassionate about it; after all, we ER vets know that you don't have a strong (or any) bond to that new vet - it's not like your family veterinarian who you've had for years (or decades). Unfortunately, this also results in a high burn out in our field - what I call compassion fatigue, and results in high turnover.

I would rather have a pet owner like you @TheOldBroad, where you are more careful and want to be 100% sure. In the least, one can be "triaged" away if deemed stable; in the worst, you spent $200 for an exam fee, a physical examination, and some contentment in knowing that you can sleep easier that night.

I've seen some owners bring in dogs for something as simple as "slightly shivering" to only find out that their dog has severe kidney disease or underlying disease. When in doubt, trust your gut instinct and pick up on your pet's signs sooner than later - it'll save you a lot more grief and potentially expense - in the end.

Thanks for the reply, Dr. Lee.

I'd much rather spend $200 for a healthy kitty and have the staff snicker "She brought a cat in for THAT???" after I leave (they're welcome to have a chuckle at my expense) than to wait and hear, "If you would have brought the kitty in a couple of days ago, we could have helped."

Interestingly, the times I've utilized the ER, there's been an instant bond with the vets, at least on my part. They've been so kind and willing to do their best, even at 2 AM.

I had a vet present me with a difficult euthanasia situation, but not because she was being cold--she was actually demanding more compassion of me than I could give. I know that sounds strange, but to explain: my ferret was in the terminal stages of intestinal lymphoma. After a series of crashes and a night spent in the ICU on supportive fluids and injections without any improvement and a lot of signs of suffering, it was clearly time--past time--to let him go. I was desperately trying to get my husband on the phone so that he could be there (in retrospect, I wish I hadn't waited for him, it would have been kinder to the ferret).

So I am stressed and anguished, and one of the vets who had been part of his treatment team stopped by I thought to check on me, which I appreciated. But then she proceeded to tell me of her own serious (life-threatening, possibly career-ending) medical issues, crying a bit herself--I know she was upset, I guess I am flattered that she thought I was someone she could confide in, but I did not have the emotional space in me at that moment to deal with another human being's issues. There was simply no more I could bear. If she'd been family or a close friend, I would have found the ability to be there for her, but as it was, it was pretty much all I could do to stare at her and figure out I was supposed to say something sympathetic. Maybe I just looked like an enormously caring person in my grief and she wanted a share of that caring, I don't know. But it felt intrusive at the time and I thought was in a way dismissive of my ferret's pain and my imminent loss. Vets, most of you would probably never do this, but if you are ever in a situation to share your own personal bad news with a client, never, ever do it under such circumstances.

Amen! Find a shrink instead!

As I process my own dog's cancer, I can't imagine having to deal with someone else's baggage! Well stated... and I'm so sorry you had to deal with this during your stressful time...

Dr. Lee, that's a horrible story, even worse because the vet was not unknown to your sister. Hope she has found a new one.

Thankfully, I've never had a bad experience yet with euthanasia. My current vet has euthanised 3 animals for me, one a stray we were trying to help and couldn't. One I sort of bullied him to come out to my van to do it as she really couldn't walk well any more and she was laying comfortably. The only time he's had a vet tech in for the procedure was for a cat. I was a bit uncomfortable with that one, as he didn't put a catheter in. He said he's found that it was much less stress to animal if he didn't. Even though she was always a very compliant cat, I'm not so sure that's true. The stray we talked about before hand and he let me know when her head would drop.

Another vet did euthansia in my van on a Sunday for me. I was a long time client, she was a 14 1/2 yr old lab that had rear end troubles and had gotten to the point of wearing her hocks off trying to stand up, had ADdison's disease and had recently starting standing in corners. His vet tech even came as he cremated dogs right there and she said she wanted to take care of her for me personally.

One didn't insist on putting a large dog on table. I put a pillow on the floor she could rest on. He told me I could take as long as I needed. He explained everything.

At any rate, if anyone here has a pet who is aged, terminal, or has a serious disease, it is imperative to talk to the vet ahead of time. Ask all those questions now. It will help you and your pet. I can't always say I did that, but the vets have responded well and admirably.

Dr Lee,
you have a very well thought out process. There is always cause and effect with any action and reaction and I think you have it covered.
I have never had a vet go through the steps and what happens to the body. I just thought it was normal to go in and put the shot in the vien. I am wondering if this is a topic more vets need training on.

I have always wondered what really happens when a pet is "put to sleep". Does the brain really stop, is the pet aware after its heart stops..etc.

I am for the humane ending of suffering ( been close to doing it to myself a couple of times!)

So I wonder how my pet feels. Is he looking at me when the life ebbs out wondering why he can't breath or his body is frozen still?
So many times we read methods used on pets are humane but then a new study will come along and refute refute the old methods.

Then there is the whole spiritual thing for me too. Do pets have an awareness beyond body and earth?

I don't know and I must have questioned every monk, guru and preacher that would meet with me. The more I learn on this the less I know.

Pets add so much to my life and each and every one has his own personality. There is a uniqueness to every relationship.

My wife and I adopt older dogs so we seem to get to the end of life issues with each pet very quickly ( well an average of about three years with each pet). It does take a toll.

So this was a great topic and I am really glad you take the time to walk with your patients through this.

Yes, it is important to know the "steps" of what's going on; otherwise, pet owners often aren't aware of how fast the procedure of euthanasia happens.

No, I personally don't believe pets have an awareness beyond body and earth? I do feel that pets have an inner sense, however. That said, I do believe dogs go to heaven. :)

My current small animal vets have been wonderful. Most recently I had my beloved dog euthanised. The office was closing due to a snowstorm, but the vet and staff stayed open so the veterinarian could discuss the dog's condition and options with us. At first we took our dog home which was immediately apparant that it was a mistake. The vet who normally treats our dog called to see how things were. When I told her I would have done things differently, taking our dog home was a mistake, she offered to meet me at the office to euthanize our dog. This was in a snowstorm with risky driving.

She was wonderful in dealing with the situation. She told us about every step and what to expect. She was very patient with us and caring. When an injection wasn't working she explained that she would give the dog anesthesia via mask instead which is what she did. It couldn't have gone better.

The only very minor concern about the entire procedure is the tech gave us papers to sign for cremation as part of the procedure. We had wanted to bury our dog on our farm that our dog loved. Probably an illogical thought since the ground was frozen. I just wish we had been asked, though in retrospect her way of handling it was better for us.

But, as I say NOT as important as the extent that the entire staff went to when giving us the time to make the decision. All of them were considerate beyond expectations.

That's wonderful to hear - it sounds like your whole vet team was really compassionate about it.

Being based out of Minnesota, we're definitely cognizant of the ground being frozen 1/2 the year... if people tell me they are going to bury their pet (even in the summer), I always tell them it's their choice. Technically, I'm sure there are city codes on it. Unofficially, I don't report them! Nevertheless, often times it's "easier" to bury ashes versus a large deceased dog. That said, it's obviously a very personal decision.

In my dog book "It's a Dog's Life... but It's Your Carpet" I have one chapter just on euthanasia. There are actually great options of creating claw paws, jewelry, glass formations, etc. with one's pet's ashes, and it's a beautiful way of remembering your pet also!

I commented on our experience with small animal vets. My experience with large animal vets, mostly for our horses has been very different.

Many of the veterinarians have been considerate when putting down our horse. Others have the attitude of "Lets get this over with, I have other work to do."

The usual practice is to give 2 injections, one a tranqulizer and one the medication that actually euthanises the horse. This is the slower, and mostly kinder way to handle this.

One of our vets declared that she doesn't bother with two injections, she just gives one, which is what she did. This is tougher on the horse for obvious reasons. And tougher on the handlers since the horse falls to the ground much harder than when sedated.

I suppose it is a difference in philospohy among veterinarians. But since we had a suffering horse and the vet was there, we really had no choice in the matter.

I've since read up on the subject and the 2 shots are the current recommendations. The other method has been discouraged for many years, though it is not considered unprofessional, just a difference in opinion on what works and which is the kinder method.

I don't want to besmirch all large animal vets since many of them have been considerate, even braiding a piece of the horse's hair for us as a keepsake.

I've had many large and small animals over the years. Since we rescued horses and keep all of our horses until they die, we've had quite a few euthanasias take place. My experience has been that in general small animal vets are more considerate in dealing with euthanasia.

So sorry to hear your negative experience with large animal vets - I would say that for small animals, one injection is honestly, very peaceful and effective. For horses, I do believe that they should be sedated (e.g., xylazine or something) FIRST to make it go more smoothly (like you said, you want the horse to gently and slowly lie down).

I can tell you that small animal vets would NOT feel comfortable euthanizing a large animal, so when in doubt, stick with your species-specific veterinarian for this!

I always sedate before I euthanize, unless the horse is down and dying when I arrive (which happens). My first boss never does, but at least he doesn't do what *his* first boss used to do: walk up to the horse and shoot it. Humane for the horse, for the owner... not so much. Of course, 60 years ago, horses weren't companion animals in the way they are today. Times change.

My procedure: I give my speech on what to expect, then sedate the horse, next inject the euthanasia solution, at which point *I* take the lead rope and halter. I drop horses all the time for general anesthesia (castrations, minor surgeries, etc.) so I'm comfortable guiding a horse to the ground. Many of my clients have never even seen this done, and as always when working with horses, my first priority - even before humane treatment of the horse - is human safety. For this reason, I do not allow children (teenagers or the occasional mature 'tween owner: okay) to be present when I'm dropping a horse, for any reason. After a few near-death experiences... for me... I won't drop horses on trailers or in holes anymore. Most owners also prefer laying the horse down on the grass (or snow), and the local haulers and backhoe operators work well with me on managing this situation.

Most of my equine colleagues perform euthanasias almost exactly as I do. We all prefer Fatal Plus for horses; horses don't do as well with the other products.

Thank you for writing! I'm so glad to hear this, as I've heard horror stories too, so glad to hear this is the standard of care now! Thank you @Equine DVM!

This is how most of us euthanize horses now. It's safer and more predictable. Oh, sometimes I place a short, quickie catheter, sometimes not.

I perform plenty of emergency euthanasias, because I see all my emergencies. Unlike an emergency veterinarian, however, I also work a full day of regular appointments. My advice to horse owners: when possible, plan ahead. If you own a horse with a chronic problem (laminitis, recurrent choke, chronic downer/cast in stall, recurrent colic, etc.), please do not allow the horse to decline by inches until you feel "it's time" and then request an immediate, emergency euthanasia. Instead, talk to your veterinarian about quality of life parameters. Ask about burial (and the law), cremation, composting, etc. Have a plan, even if you haven't set a date. This is a dignified, respectful approach to end-of-life.

All of the above applies to small animals, too, obviously. And to humans, but that's beyond the scope of this discussion.

It is possible that some of these horror stories are due to burnout, but it is also possible that some vets have a hard time dealing with euthanasia themselves and basically 'turn off' and get through it as quickly as possible so as not to have to come to grips with what they are doing. Not very professional, but I can sort of understand it. The ones that bother me are the ones that try to guilt their clients into spending more time and more money on hopeless cases, and broadly imply they are 'not caring enough' if they fail to accept expensive measures that will add little, if any, time, and none of any quality. I have had that routine pulled on me twice over the past 40 yrs, as well as hearing it from plenty of other people, and my response has always been the same: Leave the clinic and go find another vet! This is difficult when you have steeled yourself for the awful scene of the 'last ride,' and then have to postpone your business and go find another vet, and an unfamiliar one at that, but the alternative is to add even more guilt and stress to what is already a hellish situation. I do not reward people for abusing me or my animals. I certainly would not let someone who puts their bottom line ahead of my pet's comfort have the privilege of ending its suffering.

My current vet is a country practitioner who handles large and small animals, and he is the best ever. He is compassionate, gentle, competent and very pragmatic. I wish that more of the current crop of cash hungry young vets would adopt this kind of practice, but in the larger cities I am seeing a trend towards almost human level invasiveness and an increasing tendency to 'shame' clients into expensive treatment options to extend life instead of recognizing that sometimes, it is TIME and all the million dollar equipment in the world will not add one iota of quality life. :o(

I'm going to have to disagree with you on some of these points here.

In general, mixed animal veterinarians, while being compassionate and caring, may not know the most cutting edge technology in small animal - it's impossible to be exception at 5 different species of animals.

For some owners (myself included), I want the advanced, highest level of cutting edge technology knowing that it can preserve my pet's life for 370 days.

While not all pet owners can't afford to do so, I rarely meet veterinarians who "push" pet owners do to procedures. Most veterinarians I know are amazing at working with the pet owners on all the different options.

Whether one personally feels guilty themselves, that falls on them. A veterinarian's responsibility is to provide all the options, and to work WITH the pet owner to find one that best fits everyone's financial, emotional, and mental needs. A veterinarian shouldn't be making the decision for the pet owner, but working with them on it. Regardless, all options should be medically presented.

This just described what happend to me and my cat: I'd been working with my vet for the past 3 years with a problem that just wasn't getting any better. I'd been giving my cat daily medication for the past 2 years, special food, stuff in her food, etc.

She'd vomit, diarreah, etc. It was a very difficult decision to put her down, but I couldn't stand to watch her sick like that any more.

I called and and made the appointment to put her down. When my son and I got to the office and called into the room, a vet tech said, "Dr. ___ said we just got a new medication in today and wanted to let you know."

My questions: Why is the vet tech standing there talking to me about this new med, when I'm at their office every month. Is this a sample? I would think the doctor would have had the courtesy to talk to me before I came in or called me.

Am I over reacting?

Hello- my regular vet has an unusual method of euthanasia. He believes that an animal's brain, even if sedated, is still capable of panicking when the animal knows its heart has stopped. He gives a narcotic to make the animal "stoned" first. After a waiting period, he puts in a catheter for the anesthesia, then the euthanasia solution. I may be describing the drugs incorrectly, but he believes that the "standard" method is not good enough.
My brother, also a vet, just gives the one shot and told me that "any vet that uses other things is just trying to make more money off you."
My vet uses more than two drugs, and does not charge his patients for euthanasia, as he considers that he has failed to make the animal well.
Even though controversial, I would rather have a vet that takes more precautions for the animals comfort than another mobile vet I had once, who simply gave a double barreled shot without waiting for the first drug to even take effect. Because he came to my home on an emergency basis, on a weekend, he charged me roughly $1000. This was the most advertised mobile vet in Los Angeles: 911 Vets. Never again!

So sad to hear that you had a negative experience! :( That is heart breaking.

I can say some animals respond poorly to the 1st injection of a sedative - it's often harder for pet owners to see their pets "wasted," not able to walk, panting more, falling over, and not recognize them (it's an opioid like drug we usually give), so sometimes giving the two injections in a row (within a minute of each other) is actually OK. I know for my own dog, we sedated him first, waited about a minute, and then proceeded...

I have never had a pet that needed to be euthanized, but I have often wondered about how I would approach the situation if it presented itself to our family. I understand that our dogs can sense our emotions so keenly that I don't know if it would be better for me to be there when the procedure happens or if it is better for me to be away (that my own sadness does not bring down the dog down). I may be over thinking this as I often do but if anyone can offer their own personal insights on this, and/or their opinion, I would love to get a better understanding and hopefully find a way of thinking that will allow me peace on this subject.

I had to have my cat euthanized today. About 20 minutes after the first shot (to sedate her) I was asked to leave the room to pay the bill. I complied and returned to the room about 5 minutes later. The vet then administered the second shot (to stop her heart). I felt her heart beat for the last two times.

I'm worried that in the short period I left the room she knew I was gone and she felt alone.

I have an odd "post euthanasia" horror story.

My husband and I recently had our beloved 11-year old mastiff euthanized, because her diaphragm gave out. She'd started vomiting non-stop so we rushed her to the vet. While he x-rayed her, she quit breathing. He had to stop the x-rays and revive her. He recommended that we euthanize her due to her age, other health problems, and the complexity of what was going on with her. We agreed.

We held her and told her we loved her. She looked up at us both once before she peacefully slipped away. We cried, and the vet cried--he'd been her vet since she was a pup.

In shock about her passing, we left her there for the crematorium to pick up. Her loss was hard on my family. She was like a daughter to us. Needless to say, we grieved horribly. And she passed away on one of the worst days possible, my birthday.

Little did we know that a horrendous shock was yet to come.

A month later, we ran into a disgruntled ex-employee of our vet at the grocery store, and she told us she knew our dog was deceased as she'd seen a photo of her online. Apparently, his new vet tech had posted it on a social networking site. His ex-employee whipped out her cell phone and showed us the photo.

I cried and felt like I'd pass out. I can't even describe the degree of shock, rage, and despair of seeing our deceased dog on the surgical table like that. It was such an indignity to our girl and to us and an atrocious violation of our privacy.

Apparently, the new tech did it, because she wanted to show her family and friends how huge our dog was and/or post something morbidly phenomenal. And the ex-employee had told us about it, because she wanted revenge against our vet and the new tech for being fired.

So not only were we grieving the loss of our girl, but we were also shocked and hurt about what we saw, being drawn into an office drama, and grieving the possibility of the end of a relationship with a man who'd been our vet for nearly 20 years.

We turned to our family and friends for comfort. They too were outraged.

I sent a letter and a copy of the photo to our vet. The tech called to apologize the next day and claimed she'd removed the photo, but she'd only hid it from her profile. It was still online and downloadable. We feared it would circulate the net. She must have thought that she'd outsmarted us. It said a lot about her character.

So I contacted the vet's office again to complain.

All the while, we never heard from the vet. That was hurtful too as his silence made it seem as if he was blowing the whole ordeal off as trivial and invalidating our feelings.

We later learned that he hadn't known about the situation for several days--the staff had never given him my letter. Maybe they were trying to protect the tech from being reprimanded. At any rate, he apologized. I believe he was shocked as well. He said the tech knew better, and he couldn't understand why she'd done it.

If we didn't have a close relationship with him, we would have switched vets as our trust was violated. But he has gone way beyond the call of duty for us many times through the years, and he's a wonderful vet. We're still upset that he didn't fire the tech though. We really feel that he should have as she caused us so much anguish and could have gotten him into legal trouble.

Unfortunately, for my family, the memory of our beautiful girl's passing will forever be tainted by this dreadful experience.